Cellar Door
by Fluffisacoolword
Summary: Songfic. Edward loses control when Bella is counting on him most.


_Disclaimer__: I do not own Twilight, nor anything related. Much of the first few paragraphs comes from chapter 23 of Twilight. I DO NOT OWN IT.  
_

Setting: EPOV, when he discovers Bella and James in the ballet studio in Twilight. However, Edward loses control at the very moment he needs it most.

**Song: "Cellar Door" by Escape the Fate**

* * *

_We walk through the doorway,_

_Heard you calling from the hall.  
To find you in the bedroom,_

_Not breathing at all. _

I burst through the door into the ballet studio. I had already seen the room through James' thoughts, and I braced myself for the effect of seeing it with my own eyes.

I saw James, crouched over Bella's body. She was slumped back against the mirror, one hand held out protectively in front of her face. A dark pool of her blood seeped across the floor, sending me into a frenzy of thirst and rage. A deep snarl erupted from my chest, expressing my fury in a way that words never could. James backed away from her, making his way to the door.

"Bella!" I called. But she did not answer. She began to relax more, giving over to the loss of consciousness.

"Oh no, Bella, no!" I cried in horror. She was dying, right in front of my eyes. I heard Carlisle and Emmett behind me, tearing James apart. I hoped she wouldn't remember the sounds in the background. The growling, snapping, tearing… She didn't belong in the midst of all this.

"Bella, please!" I begged. "Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!"

_I drug your body_

_To the cellar where we lay._

_The wax it melts away,  
I kiss your face..._

"Carlisle!" I called, running my fingers down her beautiful face. She didn't stir, and I began to cry, my broken sobs echoing through the now-silent room. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!"

Carlisle came over quickly, lifting her head away from the broken glass and gently touching her wound. She cried out, gasping and choking through the blood that ran down her face and over her lips.

"Bella!" I cried. She was alive! I looked to Carlisle, who was examining her in a calm, professional manner.

"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep," he told me. "Watch out for her leg, it's broken." He touched her side. "Some ribs, too, I think." I looked at her body, crumpled and broken. A strange howl escaped my lips, as I choked on my grief.

"Edward," she murmured, her eyelids fluttering. I put my hand softly on her shoulder.

"Bella, you're going to be fine," I told her, trying to convince myself as much as her. "Can you hear me, Bella?" I asked. "I love you."

"Edward," she said again, a little louder this time.

"Yes, I'm here," I assured her.

"It hurts," she whimpered.

"I know, Bella, I know," I told her, then turned to Carlisle. "Can't you do anything?" I pleaded. She didn't deserve this kind of pain.

"My bag, please…" He reached out, and I handed it to him, just as Alice walked in. "Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," he told her, as her eyes turned black at the smell of Bella's blood.

"Alice?" she groaned.

"She's here, she knew where to find you." Thank God for Alice. If it weren't for her, Bella would be dead right now.

"My hand hurts," Bella whimpered, and I wished I could do something more to comfort her.

"I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

"My hand is burning!" she screamed, her eyes snapping open.

"Bella?" Something was wrong.

"The fire!" she cried. "Someone stop the fire!" I took her hand in mine, carefully turning it over. There was a crescent-shaped wound on her hand, a dark red gash that was not dripping blood. Almost like…a vampire bite. Oh God.

"Carlisle! Her hand!" I turned her palm so it was facing him.

"He bit her," he said, appalled. My breath caught in my throat. No. No, no, no. This wasn't happening. Alice spoke, kneeling next to Bella.

"Edward, you have to do it."

"No!" I bellowed. I would _not_ stand by and watch her lose her soul.

"Alice," Bella moaned. She was squeezing her eyes shut again, tears streaming down her face and mingling with the blood. I grimaced.

"There may be a chance," Carlisle said slowly.

"What?" I begged. Any other option. I could not allow her to be damned for eternity just because _I_ was too late to stop James. My eyes narrowed, the self-hatred overflowing in my body.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." He was stitching up the cut on her head as he spoke.

"Will that work?" Alice's voice was strained.

"I don't know," Carlisle answered, "but we have to hurry."

_Now we are starting_

_To love you more.  
Your body's on the canvas, _

_I painted on the floor._

"Carlisle, I…" I hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." My self control was good, but…not that good. I had a hard time just being near Bella. And now, with her blood flooding the floor and her scent filling my nose, I was supposed to _drink_ from her, and then _stop_? Impossible.

"It's your decision Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped her if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

I looked at her. I had two options: I could allow her to continue the transformation, or I could try to suck out the venom, potentially killing her. Both ways she could lose her soul. Both ways it would be entirely my fault.

"Edward!" she screamed, her eyes flying open to look at me.

"Alice, get me something to brace her leg!" Carlisle was bent over Bella, working on her head. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."

_Now you wait, _

_Like the drug, like the change, _

_In the pain, it goes on for so long_

There was only one option that could possibly preserve her soul. My jaw set; I had to try. I took her hand in my own, locking it in place. I pressed my lips against her skin, drinking from her.

Good lord. She tasted even better than I had imagined. Her flavor was a million times more delicious than her scent. Her blood filled my mouth and throat, flowing like silk. Her fragrance filled me, clearing my brain of everything but the desire to feed.

She thrashed at the feeling of me drinking from her, and then calmed as I tasted the last traces of the venom. I could taste Carlisle's morphine in her veins, but I did not stop. I couldn't. Her blood, the very essence of her life, was now flooding my own veins. I felt so oddly close to her, though somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was killing her.

"Edward…?" Her voice floated through my brain. There was an edge of panic to it that almost made me stop. Almost.

"Edward!" I heard Carlisle shout, his hands pulling at my shoulders. "Stop! You're going to kill her."

And I tried. I shut my eyes with the effort, holding my breath and stopping myself from swallowing again. But the blood was in my mouth. That blood that smelled like lavender and freesia, but tasted like heaven on Earth. I gulped it down, my self-control flying away from me. The monster inside of me craved more, and I was too weak to stop him.

A deep, guttural growl rumbled inside me as I drank from her more deeply. I was a vampire. This was what I was supposed to do. It felt so disgustingly natural, as I drank the life of my one and only love.

I swallowed the last of her life, and she was dry.

Dead.

_And oh, how it hurts in the worst way, _

_Now that you're gone, _

_It's so wrong, it's so wrong..._

All of her blood was gone, and I was no longer raving with the frenzy of her scent. My head cleared, and the pain consumed me.

She was gone. Forever. I was going to live forever, and she wouldn't be with me for any part of it. I was going to have to live with myself forever. With what I had done. I would never forget this day. The day I destroyed my very purpose for being. With my own hands. I laughed bitterly, emptily, as another phrase came to mind.

"In cold blood."

Did I say that out loud? I couldn't tell. My world was spinning. I heard nothing, though hands on my arms and shoulders told me that Carlisle and Alice were talking to me. I could see nothing but Bella, and even she was fading fast.

She lay, pale and lifeless, in a pool of her own dried blood. Motionless. It made me think of that first day in Biology, when I had pictured killing her in a million different ways.

_If I could take you somewhere,_

_I'd take you to the darkest place,  
Scatter you in artful ways,_

_Admire the whore.  
Beauty in different ways,_

_Your hands on picture frames  
Your eyes in the glass_

_Wear your face as a mask_

Everything was so different since I had fallen in love with her. Yet everything was so much the same, because now I had finally gotten what I had wanted. What the back of my mind had always been fighting for. She was dead. I had killed her, just as I had imagined doing. The repulsive film that was on a constant loop whenever I was with her was suddenly a reality.

Here she was, cold and broken. And here I was, no longer thirsty, with the taste of her existence lingering on my lips. All my sick dreams had come true.

God. I was a fucking monster.

I spat on the ground, frantically trying to remove her taste from my mouth. I wished I could throw up. I felt my stomach muscles clenching, and I gagged, but her blood remained inside me.

I crumpled to the ground, crying tearless sobs.

_Now they are starting_

_To love you more.  
A gallery of your beauty,_

_No charge at the door._

I could hear the rest of my family again. They were all here now. They could all see the demon that I have become. I heard someone calling my name, but all the background noise was melting into one loud buzz.

Let them stare at her. The world deserves to see wehat I've done. To know what a monster I am.

_As you wait, _

_Like the drug, like the change_

_In the pain it goes on for so long  
And oh, how it hurts in the worst way,_

_Now that you're gone,_

_It's so wrong, it's so wrong..._

And I had thought that becoming a vampire would be the worst pain of my life. The blazing inferno of transformation was nothing compared to what I felt now. The loss pierced me like a thousand knives, stabbing into my unbeating heart.

_And down below_

_Your veins run dry, your vacant eyes  
I lost control_

_Your face is pale, your body's cold  
And down below_

_Your veins run dry, your vacant eyes  
I lost control_

_Your face is pale, your body's cold_

_Your face is pale, your body's cold_

The crimson has gone from her cheeks. It will never return. She's pale and cold, and it's all because of me. The life has gone from her eyes, and I'm the one who took it.

_Wait,_

_Like the drug, like the change_

_And the pain, it goes on for so long  
And oh, how it hurts in the worst way,_

_Now that you're gone,_

_It's so wrong, it's so wrong..._

God. _I_ did this to her. Not James. Not anyone else. I could have left her to change, but I was too selfish. I wanted to keep her human. Despite what Alice said would happen, despite what Bella herself wished for.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never see her blush again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never see that sparkle in her eyes again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never see her smile again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never hear her laugh again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never hear her heartbeat again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never taste her lips again.

_It's so wrong_

I'll never smell lavender and freesia again.

_It's so wrong_


End file.
